I took this picture this morning during our worship service. Moments before I had one of the most vivid flashbacks of my life…

It was Sunday, June 4, 2000. It was my first Sunday back in my home church for the summer. I had come home to teach a bible study on Wednesday nights. It wasn’t an internship, but my beloved pastor had strongly encouraged me to embrace the summer home as an unofficial official internship. To that end, he told me that for the summer I would be joining him and the other pastors and interns on the platform for worship. He said that this would establish some credibility for me as I was now in a position of semi-leadership in my home church.

I did not want to sit up on the platform for all the church to watch me worship. But I quickly learned that a perk to sitting on the platform was that it gave me the best seat in the house to watch our new worship pastor. He was also an intern for the summer, although he was a pastoral intern and I was just a college intern. (I have no idea what the difference was.)

I remember I took extra care in getting ready that Sunday morning. I wore a long black sundress with a little black sweater and the sweetest black platform sandals. (Oh how I miss those sandals!) My hair was short, just to my chin and very blonde. I took the extra time to straighten it that morning and the whole time I was getting ready I had nervous butterflies in my stomach–like I knew something big was about to happen but had no idea what.

As I walked through the doors of Christian Assembly at 400 Grand Ave., I knew something was different. I saw him from the back of the sanctuary. (If I close my eyes now I can still see him. I could even show you the exact spot where he was standing. I could even even act out what he was doing the moment I saw him.)  He was wearing a black suit. He was talking with the musicians and pointing to the platform from where he stood in the orchestra pit. His movements and hand gestures were quick and purposeful.

Later that morning  I watched him lead worship for the first time. I remember he had mean guitar skills, and his voice was shaky-not in a nervous way, but in a raw, untrained kind of way.  He was young and the way he led worship was fresh and different.  As I watched him my deep, dark, subconscious heart screamed YES!!! I need this man in my life forever!!! My conscious mind would fight my subconscious mind for the next few weeks, but I caved to his charms pretty quickly.

On that early June morning, I watched him. I had no idea who he was. I didn’t know where he came from or even how he came to be at Christian Assembly that warm summer morning. I had no idea how much my life would become entwined with his. Watching him lead worship on Sunday mornings would become as normal to me as breathing.

And that was what I flashed back to moments before I took this picture.

Today I wore dress pants and a ruffly shirt. My hair is now long and brown. I straightened it but then bent a few loose waves into it. I wore the sweetest leopard print TOMS wedges and carried his baby on my hip.

He wore jeans and a sweater vest. He no longer wears a goatee. Instead, he just lets his beard grow until it tickles my nose. Then, he trims it just enough to make me happy. He still plays a mean guitar, but his voice is different now–no longer shaky. It’s strong and confident from years of singing.

He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Our life together is the great joy on my existence. He teaches me and challenges me. He encourages me to go get my dreams. He also frustrates me to no end, and he has this amazing ability to make me so angry I can’t see straight.

But.

He makes me better. He makes me… ME. There is not a me without him.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~Ephesians 5:25-33

It is my great honor to be his wife. There is no greater man on this earth.