I have had a whirlwind life these past few weeks. I’d love to say it’s because I’ve been jet-setting around the world, but it’s really much simpler than that. School, new job, potty training, organizing my house, running a B&B, and growing a baby has kept me surprisingly busy. It’s all rather ordinary and normal, but insane when all thrown together.

I am now 31 weeks, or is it 32 weeks? I forget.  I think 31.  Either way, I’m in the 30+ weeks of pregnancy now which means I have just a few weeks left before this child makes her grand entrance.  As of 2 weeks ago I had nothing ready and by nothing I mean NUH-THANG!  I had two, count ’em TWO outfits hanging in her closet and that was all the clothes in the world I had for her. Pathetic, right?  The Girl and I happened to have a few minutes to snoop around at the Goodwill the other day and found a very few cute things, so now we have 4 outfits hanging in the closet.  Woot woot!

And I promise she wasn’t driving.  

I also bought her a couple pair of Robeez off ebay the other day, so I’m not completely unprepared anymore.  ‘Cause everybody knows that all a baby born in November needs is a few summery outfits and a couple pairs of Robeez to survive, right. Right?  Beuhler?

 But it’s all good.  Everything will get done. Or so the Music Man keeps telling me.  I’m choosing to believe him and stay off my feet as much as my life allows. (Which can I just whine for a moment and say that’s it’s really not much.  Boo hoo for me.) He is usually right about these kinds of things. 

I just forget all that goes into preparing for a baby.  I’ve done this a few times, so I shouldn’t be so clueless. Besides getting a few more clothes, what else do I need to do? What would you do if you had a baby coming in roughly 7-9 weeks and had done nothing yet? (I’m not saying that you would do that because I’m sure you’re much more on top of things than I am, but hypothetically speaking…)

I started a blog in 2005. Six whole years ago. It began more or less as a way for my family to stay in touch with me and to experience life with us. We had just moved to Maryland from Wisconsin. Natalie was just 15 months old. In a matter of a few short months my life had turned upside down and inside out. The blog served also as a journal for me. A way to sort through all the changes that were happening.

As the years went on it became my scrapbook of life. It was my counselor through miscarriages, family deaths, and other rough times. It was a place where I celebrated life and accomplishments. It was a community for me with my friends.

Then along comes Facebook and twitter and my desire to blog went down the drain so to speak. I had an instant outlet for my thoughts, albeit 140 characters or less. My audience went from 10-20 regular readers to 600+ friends/followers overnight.

About 18 months ago, God began to ask me to let go of things in my life. Things that I held on to so tightly that I thought they made me who I was. As He pried my fingers off of them, He showed me who I really was. I thought it was the things I did that made me who I was, when really it’s Him in me that makes me who I am. The things I was holding to with all my life were covering me with a dirty film that was not only obscuring my view of myself but also others’ view of me.

As He cleaned me I discovered there were all sorts of things I didn’t like when brought to light. There was much work thy needed to be done in my heart, perspective, worldview, and attitude. These past 18 months, actually this fall it’ll be 2 years, have not been easy on me. It’s hard to write a happy, go-lucky blog when your heart is being shredded beyond all recognition. It was too personal of a journey to share with anyone outside of my husband and even that was almost impossible at times. I really felt like I had nothing to say to the blog world.

However lately I’ve been thinking more and more about getting back to blogging. It’s always been a great outlet for me and extremely therapeutic. I finally feel like I’m coming out of the fog. I have more clarity and direction about who I really am than ever before. I know what I want. I know what I dont want. In life but also in blogging.

But as I sat down to post this morning I realized that I couldnt just add to my old blog. I’m not that same person. I want a fresh start, a new beginning. Something simple and beautiful. Happy and peaceful. No achives. No previous posts. Let my past be my past. Embrace it for what it was but make a fresh start. A new name. A new look. And all new content.

When I was a child I acted like a child…
Behold all thing become new…

So I want this blog to be a place…

To glorify his name
Be wacky and random and fun
Encourage others
Raise awareness for those who have no voice
Showcase my life–my REAL life, not just the pastor’s wife approved life.
Be a community of support
Scrapbook my life–my kids, homeschool, marriage, the bumps along the way
A place to find my creative voice again. I know it’s there, somewhere.

More than anything I just want a place to be me with no apologies, excuses, or holding back. God has given me purpose and a calling. I’m ready to step into it. I ready to do His work, His way, and in His time.

I want to start living my life and using my voice.