Author Archives: Melissa

I won’t let it be the end of me

Posted in The Beast by

I’ll be honest. I may be awesome, but I am far from perfect. In fact I often annoy myself with how difficult it is for me to just be nice at times. It.drives.me.nuts.

I have a Beast that is trying to kill me! It’a a series of situations that led me to a terrible attitude. I need to let go of it already. My heart wants so desperately to be obedient and release it, but my cold, nasty flesh seems to be hanging on for dear life.

(And I guess that would make sense since my flesh knows that ultimately it will be forced into submission in obedience to God’s word. I’d be scared too.)

This Beast is one that is years in the making. I’m not deluded enough to think that it will go away overnight. It has a hold on me–this Beast. I’ve been marinating in my pride and self-righteousness for a long, long time, and the devil has loved every last ugly second of it. But this Beast is going down. It’s crippling me and keeping me from an abundant life promised to me.

I knew when I re-started my blog here in this new space that part of what I would write about is this Beast. It’s in part the inspiration of the blog title. This Beast will be the end of me if I don’t deal with it now.

(I’ve been THAT nasty, people. Ugh. You would not want to be near me!)

To be accountable, to myself and to you and to God, I have taken a few steps forward in slaying this Beast.

1. I recognized the root of my bad attitude–self-righteousness or more specifically PRIDE. I alway think I know better when it comes to this Beast. BIG mistake. I know nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

2. I told someone about it–The Music Man. He already knew, of course but admitting to him the black state of my heart in regards to this Beast was a freeing thing.

3. I am seeking wise council in the form of Andrew Murray’s classic book, Humility and Absolute Surrender. I can’t get past the first chapter. It’s so totally messed me up–in a good way.

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4. This one just happened this morning…


God began yesterday to lead me to this, but I was a bit hesitant. I did it, but tentatively.

Today. Oh today. I take captive my thoughts and I will begin to pray. I will pray specifics. I will pray by name. I will pray blessings.

I will conquer this beast.

I knew that conquering this Beast would not be quick, easy, or without a few battle wounds along the way, but what I had underestimated was God’s grace flooding me and giving me such peace. He IS faithful to meet us right where we are even if it’s in the muck and filth we made ourselves.

“His winnowing fork is in his hand to clear his threshing floor and to gather the wheat into his barn, but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” Luke 3:17

This Beast will NOT be the end of me.

Because this is How I Roll: Weekly/Daily To-Do’s

Posted in How I Roll by

Note: This is a How I Roll post.  My first How I Roll post to be specific.  From time to time I’ll show you the way we do things in our home (how we roll).  Some of my favorite posts to read on other blogs are these kind of posts. It gives me ideas and inspiration to make my own home and life move more smoothly.  So enjoy taking a look at how I roll.  Take my ideas and make them your own, just be sure to leave a few of your ideas for me to use, too.  

It would seem that since the moment I found out I was pregnant, my body decided to revolt.  Morning sickness, fatigue, swollen limbs, shortened breath, even a stint in the hospital for severe dehydration (yipee!); it was just about more than this completely-boring-medical-history-girl could take, and it’s taken me a sweet-forever to feel normal-ish.

I’ve finally been able to start getting things done around the house again.  Simple things that most of us don’t think twice about doing…cleaning the house on a regular basis, sorting the mail, catching up on laundry, baking bread or cookies with the kids, enjoying the sunshine and warm weather. I love going to bed each night knowing that I was able to accomplish something.  And I love waking up every morning knowing that my day has purpose again.  I set goals for the day-things I want to get done; usually it’s a list of 4-6 things–nothing major, but enough to make each day full. This is how I roll: weekly/daily to-do…

(I amaze myself with my photography abilities–not just anyone can get the entire photo to blur to a headache-enducig mish-mash.  That takes some talent, folks.)

I use these amazing little notepads that my sister got for me one year for Christmas.  She found them in the Target dollar bin.  (Every time I see them, I grab a couple more.  I don’t ever want to run out.) At the beginning of each week I sort out all the things that need to be done that week and add them to the day’s list, so that no day is loaded any more than another.

For example, this week’s page looks like this…

Monday

Whites

Pack up boxes for Sheryl

Bag clothes for Donna

Send Paypal invoices

Sweep kitchen

Clean upstairs bath

Tuesday

Blog

 

Vacuum LR

 

Clean downstairs bath

Darks/colors

Water plants

Pack Ami’s Clothes

Mail book

Wednesday

Vacuum Bedrooms

Towels

Send in J’s Camp Registration

Thursday

Blog

Kids’ clothes

Clear off desk area

Friday

Mail boxes

(As you can see, my system is very detailed and quite technical! 🙂 )

The beginning of the week is heavier to allow for those things that don’t get done one day to be moved to the next day or even later.  Also, just because it’s listed on Tuesday doesn’t mean it can’t be done at any time.  Like yesterday, I had wanted to get some clothes packed up for my friend’s baby and send out some paypal invoices. (With this new-found energy I went through all of J’s baby clothes and am in the process of sharing them with friends.) They’re now marked off the list because I did them this morning.  Instead of packing up the clothes yesterday, I made cookies with the kids.  The Music Man vacuumed the living room last night having no idea it was even on my list of things to do this week.  (LOVE HIM!) So this morning I marked it off my list.

I love that this list is a work-in-progress each week.  It’s fun to be able to mark things off as they’re accomplished.  You wouldn’t believe how much easier it is to stay on task when I have a clear plan of what I want to do each day and can see the whole week.  This little notepad has strong magnets on the back and it has a place of honor on my fridge.  Even my kids know to look at it to see what the day will be like for Mamacita.

I’ve been using these notepads and this method (understand I use the word method rather loosely here) off and on for a few years now.  At times, when I’ve done meal plans, I’ll make a note of what the main dish will be each day.  I’m not meal planning now, because I’m still trying to get a handle on my life and house.  (Although, can I just say meal-planning cuts way down on the grocery bill. It also has this amazing side-effect of relievng the stress that comes at 530pm when The Music Man is walking in the door and I realize that I have no idea what we’re going to eat for dinner. Not that that happened last night or anything. I’m just saying, you know, in general…)

One thing I do know for sure is that my family has been happier for having our house back to semi-normal.  The kids are doing so much better with a rhythm to our days as opposed to the take-care-of-yourself-while-I-slowly-die-on-the-couch thing we had going for a few months.  The Music Man has especially enjoyed Mamacita’s new burst of energy.  His need to have things neat and orderly out-weighs my need, so it’s always been a balancing act.  Through these past few months, he has pitched in and taken care of so much while I watched from the couch or bed-too tired to get up, much less care that things were a mess.  He did it without one complaint.  He did it because he saw it needed to be done.  It’s been such a joy to see his relief as he walks in the door from work and sees a neat and clean house. He has enough stress and demands made on him at his workplace that the last thing I want for him is to come home to a dirty mess day after day.  It’s not always perfect because HELLO! we live here, but it’s no longer always a mess anymore either.

So that’s how I roll to keep myself and all those household tasks in order.  How do you roll?

The Beginning of The End

Posted in Deep Thoughts by

I was going through an old journal the other day and I found a scrap piece of paper stuck in the back.  It was dated January 5, 2006.  On it I had written this:

We are all on a journey of discovery; a journey of life. Along the way we stumble and fall.  We make wrong turns and follow bad directions.  We get completely lost.

Some days are bright and sunny. They are warm and delightful. They are filled with all the good things we can think of; friends, laughter, great food, gentle breezes that tickle our face. We love those days and bask in the beauty of them. They fill our hearts to overflowing with peace that all is well, life is good, and we are good. We wish those days would last forever.

There are other days; dark days.  It rains and pours.  The sun never shines and the winds whips through to our very souls.  It howls against the windows. It’s bitter cold and icy.  We find ourselves reclusive on days like this.  We pull into ourselves and hide from life.  We’re grumpy and overwhelmed with an unexplainable sadness.  Our outlook is grim.  We act as thought these days of rain and cold will never end.

Somewhere in between are the days in which we live. Some of the sunniest days of the summer are spent hiding from the realities of life that seem so bitter and cold.  The darkest days of winter can be filled with the most laughter and fondest memories.

Life is all in how we approach it.  We can find joy and peace anywhere; rain, sun, winter, summer, everywhere in between. Our goal in life must be to live each day as though it was the most beautiful day we’ve lived yet, no matter what comes our way because it may be our last.  We don’t know the forecast of tomorrow or even a guarantee tomorrow will come.  Each day is beautiful in and of itself.  It’s full of surprises—good and bad, fun and miserable, exciting and dreadful. Each day lived full of love, joy, peace, and love is a beautiful day.

Now I don’t know if I copied this down from a book or if it’s an original Deep Thought of my own. As I read it I realized that this idea of life being a journey is certainly not a new concept to me.  In fact I’d say it’s one of my core beliefs.  Each day builds upon the last to make you the person you are today and the person you will become.

In creating this new blog, which really is just a fresh chapter of my old blog, I wanted the title and look to convey the idea of life being a journey.  (Obviously I have a ways to go in getting the Blog to look how I want it to. 🙂 ) In that same journal I had written this quote from A.W. Towzer that summed up how I was feeling perfectly.

The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t come to THE END OF THEMSELVES. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us.

The best part of the journey comes when we get to the end of ourselves.  We let go of all that we’ve held on to.  We release it to the Lord.  We give up our rights and invite Him to lead us wherever He desires and we joyfully follow Him, knowing full-well that trusting Him doesn’t guarantee us a life free from pain and heartache.  We know full-well that when pain and heartache  come He is faithful to carry us through.  He is always there for us.  He’ll never let us go and never let us down.  He loves us with an everlasting love.

So for now I’m going to test drive this blog title for a while and see how it feels.  It’s definitely a concept that has been a HUGE part of my life these past few years, and one I hope to never stray from.  However, I’m not 100% sold that this is THE title for my blog.

(Ugh.  This is so like naming a child. Beyond HARD!!!)

 

But for now…

The End.

 

(See.  “The End.” Not sure I love that.  Clever? Maybe.  But me?  I’m not sure yet.  What do you think?)